Thursday, January 17, 2013

Here We Go Again - Thai Bar Girl / Farang Husband #fail

This is getting to be a regular thing for me, and this is the last time I am going to post about it. I am bored with this :)  I have just heard of yet another Thai bar girl / farang marriage failing in exactly the  same way as many have failed in the past.

I know a girl called Ning who worked ( as a dancer )  in Soi Cowboy for about 18 months.  I would say that she was a hardened bar girl by the time she met her 'husband'. They were married  9 months and now she is back in the bar. The way their 'relationship' developed and then failed is typical of the often repeated scenario I describe below.

The scenario is as follows and is about farang who do not live in Thailand. The outcome is so predictable I cannot believe that men still get into these sort of arrangements.

1. Girl works in a bar for more than a year and learns from other like minded colleagues.

2. Farang comes to Bangkok on holiday alone, probably unhappy with his life in his home country.

3. Goes to the bar for some light relief.

4. Falls for a bar girl 30 years younger than him ( his brain in the wrong place ).

5. Goes home after a month.

6. Pines for his 'girl' in Bangkok but she is working in a bar and he can't sleep thinking she is with other men.

7. Returns for another holiday 1 or 2 months later.

8. Girl makes time for him and expresses her undying love.

9. Farang promises to send her money every month if she stops working the bar and she agrees.

10. Farang returns home and starts sending money. Girl goes home to her village.

11. Her family learns of this arrangement.....

12. Girl contacts Farang and wants him to come to Bangkok because she 'misses him too much'.

13. Farang returns to BKK and they meet up and spend a few weeks together. Girl talks about making a house in her village and how much she loves him. The 'relationship' blossoms.

14. Farang eventually marries her, promises to buy land from her family, build a house in her village, buy her a car, and carry on sending her money every month. That is as long as she stays in her village and not go anywhere near Bangkok or Pattaya.

15. Girl obviously agrees and it happens. Farang goes back to his home country.

16. House is lived in by all in sundry and the car ends up in the village car pool. The girl gets bored and wants to return to the bright lights ( can't blame her for that really ) .

17. Girl tells husband that she is going back to Bangkok because her village has nothing but will not go to the bar areas. She will just  work in Big C or some such place. Farang is not happy and threatens to cut her money.

18. Girl goes anyway - result is lots of arguments on the phone. Farang thinks cutting her money will make her change her mind and does so.

19. Girl has not enough money so goes back to the bar. Game over.

20. Winner the girl and her family, big time loser ( financially and emotionally ) - the farang.

Many farang tourists who visit the bars seem to know the reality of bar girl relationships, but of course it won't happen to them....


  1. Anonymous9:16 PM

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  2. A rather insightful post on what really goes on beyond the rolling disco lights. Hope other farangs who come to Bangkok would know better.

    Anyway, hoping to share with you an interesting article about one of Bangkok's best kept secrets: boyfriends for hire.

    Hope you'll enjoy reading!

  3. Thailand should force incoming male tourist to read such stories... Would be for the better good!

  4. Yes another ritualistic story which has now become stereotypical of Thailand, but simply because 99% of the time it really is like this. What most gullible tourists don't realize is this is very much a game to most bar workers. the only love that is really is the love for money and family. the rest is just clever acting and manipulation. A successful relationship will only ever exist if both people work (honest jobs) and are not dependant on the other when you meet. That way there is more equality and respect. getting emotionally involved with working girls, no-matter what stories they makeup, is just a recipe for disaster,

  5. Anonymous9:33 AM

    My question is, did the farang check to see if his wife was actualy working at Big C? If she was working there then what is the harm? At least she was keeping busy and not sleeping around. Now if she lied and just went to Bangkok to return to the bars that is a different story all together. He should have checked out her story first before jumping on her case and stopping the money. He should have got the first plane to Bangkok and spied on her to see if she was working at Big C or the bars. Then stop or continuethe money depending on what he found. He should know once his money stops she has no choice but to return because of family pressure.

  6. Anonymous9:35 AM

    The dude should have checked out if she was working at big c or not. Then stop the money if it was a lie and she had indeed return to the bars. Stopping her money forced her to return because of family pressure.

  7. In this particular case the husband did not want her anywhere near Bangkok or Pattaya - he was well aware of the temptation the bars are for ex bar girls. He thought that he mean't more to the girl than he actually did, and that cutting her money would make her stay away fro Bangkok and try to make him happy. He was wrong.

  8. alot of thai pattaya bar girls are resemblant of rather overfed hairlesss chimps and would not even raise an eye lt alone anyhing attached to your nutsack

  9. One of many farang meets bar girl scenarios, and typical of many more we are going to hear for years to come. Here is a question and a poll I posted on my blog. Can You Take The Bar Out The Girl ?....